


i was falling (this morning)

by callumsmitchells



Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: (sorry), Angst, Fluff, M/M, Sad Ending, Song fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-14
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:01:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27559510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/callumsmitchells/pseuds/callumsmitchells
Summary: Four mornings in the life of Ben and Callum as they build their relationship from just friends to maybe something more.or, a three plus one sad fic
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell
Comments: 5
Kudos: 36





	i was falling (this morning)

**Author's Note:**

> the song included in this fic is: this morning - picture this
> 
> i hope you enjoy and feel free to leave kudos/comments/scream at me on tumblr 
> 
> tumblr: @callumsmitchells

**one**

_ Do you love me? Or do you just hate being alone? _

The first morning it happens is unexpected, yet it’s not at all unwelcome.

The sun is beginning to creep in through the curtains, with beams of a warm yellow and pure white illuminating the otherwise dark room. The sight is a perfect mix of both night and day interweaving together and Ben rolls over, letting the sheets fall down over his chest, with the cold air suddenly hitting his chest. He winces slightly at the temperature change, and blindly shuffles closer to the warmth, until his body hits something, cold nose pressing against something warm and soft. Ben opens up his tired eyes, all heavy and aching, and instantly he sees skin, with faint freckles littering like a constellation on an expanse of back. He closes his eyes again for just a moment, partially because they are beginning to sting, crying out for his glasses, but mainly to make an attempt at trying to remember the night before. It’s all a blur though, all flashes of neon and loud music and laughter and alcohol. That is, until he gains enough courage and strength to balance on his arm to look over at the person sharing his bed.

_ Callum _ . 

"Fuck." Ben whispers out softly as he falls back into the pillows, sinking down into them. Maybe if he tries hard enough, they’ll swallow him whole. 

He's still staring up at the ceiling moments later, when Callum stirs in his sleep. There's a rustle of sheets and all that races through Ben’s mind is how fast he needs to be to move before Callum actually wakes up. But then a hand brushes against his chest and it causes an almost paralysing tingle across his skin. 

Ben stays there, basking in the warmth that Callum unwittingly produces, and for some reason, he starts to realise that this is the best feeling he’s had in so long. He’s almost forgotten what this could feel like, and that’s terrifying because Callum is his best friend. He shouldn’t be feeling this way about his best friend. 

Callum’s lips brush against Ben’s skin, and a smile starts to form and Ben can feel it against him like a perfect imprint. “What happened?” Callum croaks out, finally breaking the silence in the room.

Ben looks down at Callum and he can’t help but smile. He’s got wide eyes, all vivid and the colour of the clearest crystal. His lips are curling up into a smile and his hair is flat against his head. There’s stubble starting to grow, and Ben’s seen him like this so many times, but never in bed with him. Never naked with him. 

He lets out a soft chuckle, trying to push those thoughts and feelings to the back of his mind. “Well I can’t be certain.” He says, putting on that sarcastic voice that he knows is a mask to disguise his true feelings. “But it just so happens that we’re both in bed together and I don’t know about you - but I’m definitely naked.” 

Callum laughs slightly, and lets his head roll further into Ben’s chest, closing his eyes for just a moment. “I am too.” He breathes out, and there’s a pain in chest as he speaks, terrified for some reason. Until Ben’s fingers start to thread through Callum’s hair, massaging his head at the perfect pressure to calm his racing heart down. 

“You okay?” Ben asks, brushing Callum’s hair back, begging him to look up at Ben. 

Callum just hums, because _ yeah, he’s fine, but this is a big deal.  _ “This can’t happen again though.” He says, and it breaks his heart even just hearing his own words back.

Ben agrees though, after a few moments, and then Callum feels even worse.

That’s it. This can never happen again.

**two**

_ It must be priceless, being loved in the dark. _

It happens again. Of course it does. After that first time, they seem even more inseparable, but this time with the added longing looks shared between them. 

Ben wakes up first again, letting sleep and tiredness fall away from him, though he just wants to laze in bed for the rest of the day if it means Callum stays by his side. He rolls over gently, and the sheets get tighter around his waist as his movements cause the material to tangle around him. He stretches out and grabs his glasses, putting them on so he can see beyond the blurs and fuzziness of shapes. He settles down again, letting the warmth of the sheets overtake him, the morning calm and relaxing and peaceful.

He watches Callum as he sleeps, all soft features and his lips parted, but barely just. He shuffles closer, and notices the coral pink appearing on his cheeks, mixing almost perfectly with the rest of skin and the pale brown stubble. 

There's a loud bang outside, and it makes Ben jump, because the calmness is so perfect and he didn't expect anyone or anything to disrupt it. Callum shuffles in his sleep, and rolls onto his back, the sheets falling down and showing off his chest. Ben watches as it rises and falls, and he somehow just knows Callum's going to wake up soon. Ben moves closer, slowly edging his way over to Callum, bridging the short gap between them. He rests his hand on Callum's chest without thinking, and instantly regrets it when he starts to think about how he's always cold to the touch, but Callum is the complete opposite. They're like two halves of a whole, a perfect fit. Even so, he lets his index finger trail aimless patterns over Callum's skin, circling his nipples at first, before tracing lines up to his neck, brushing delicately over his Adam's apple. Callum wakes up moments later, but keeps his eyes shut, his face not moving. He knows Ben too well, and he knows that Ben would be looking at him. Ben lets his hand rest against Callum's chest again, not moving. It's right over his heart, and he can feel the beat of it thumping away rhythmically. 

Callum moves his hand slowly, trying to not disturb Ben, and then finally his hand hits Ben's and it makes him jump for a moment before he realises. Callum threads their fingers together, warming Ben up instantly, and pulls their connected hands to his lips, pressing a gentle kiss to Ben's skin before he lets them rest against his chest once more. He opens up one eye at first, and Ben's looking right at him, as though he can't believe that this is really happening, and then he opens his other eye. "Mornin'." He croaks out, and a beaming smile spreads across his lips, overtaking his face. "I thought this wasn't happening again, ey?" 

A laugh falls from Ben's mouth and he pushes himself up, growing in confidence as he releases Callum's hold on his hand, putting a knee to either side of Callum's waist, straddling him. "Can't help it that I'm irresistible." Ben teases, watching as Callum's eyes light up watching Ben above him. 

"Shut up." Callum lets out, though his voice is suddenly deeper and full of lust.

Ben leans down slightly, smirk on his face. Callum's hands fall to his waist and within seconds his thumbs start to circle the skin, practically massaging Ben. "Make me." He entices, his warm breath hitting Callum, yet he's not close enough.

"Come here then." Callum whispers, grin perfectly matching Ben's until their lips finally press together in a sober embrace and the strength of the grin multiplies tenfold.

**three**

_ And I was falling. _

Callum wakes up first, this time. He stretches out his long limbs as best he can, hearing a quiet crack of his ankles and then he lets out a soft sigh. Ben's legs are threading with his own, their bodies connecting together before they both fell asleep, and still remaining comfortably there even after all these hours. The suns barely up, the sky a burning red shade. He turns his face, and Ben is so close to him, soft huffs of breath tumbling out of his nose and hitting Callum's skin. If Callum had all the time in the world, he would count each freckle that forms on Ben's face, over the curves of his cheeks and the contours of his nose, even over his closed eyelids. Sadly though, he doesn't have that time, no matter how much he wishes for it. He cranes his neck slightly, and fights through the burn that appears as he traps a nerve. He parts his lips just so, and presses them against Ben's forehead, letting the tip of his nose - probably cold - brush away the stray hairs that have fallen down in his sleep.

When Callum pulls away, Ben's eyes start to flutter open, as if Callum has some sort of effect on Ben which causes him to spark into life at the slightest of touches. 

"What a way to wake up." Ben says, and he loops his arm around Callum's body, holding them in time and place together. 

Callum lets out a gentle chuckle, replicating Ben's hold on him. His hand reaches Ben's back, fingers trembling as he starts to snake his way up his spine, finally resting when he reaches the nape of Ben's neck, right where his hair is starting to grow long and curl. He curls the hair around his index finger as the others massage his head, and Callum watches as Ben reacts to his touch. A soft moan falls from his lips and it takes everything in Callum to not just ring his work up and feign an illness so he can stay in bed with Ben all day. 

Instead, Callum presses his lips to Ben's, their bodies tight against one another. Ben lets out another soft moan and Callum laps it up, loving that there's no sound around apart from the two of them. Ben pulls them apart, and it's far too soon for both their liking, but they need to breathe. He rests his thumb against Callum's bottom lip for a few short seconds and they're still, until Callum leaves a barely there kiss against Ben's thumb. 

"What time is it?" Ben asks, breaking the peaceful silence that's fallen around them. He traces Callum's lips over and over again.

"Early." Callum says, and it's perhaps surprising when Ben's thumb doesn't even falter, he just carries on tracing Callum's lips even through him talking. Callum watches Ben's eyes and how they move from side to side, watery and ocean blue. "I was thinking about making breakfast for us, if that's something you fancy?"

Ben's motions still for a second, and Callum watches him with wide eyes. He lets out a soft hum, and leans forward to trap Callum's lips with his own. "Don't be long though." Ben says, and it goes unsaid between them that he's agreeing to breakfast. 

"Why's that then?" Callum asks, cocking one eyebrow questioningly. 

Ben grins. "Because I want you again before we have to go to work." 

**plus one**

_ But I guess it just fell through. _

It's freezing, when Ben wakes up. There's ice on the window, like an extra layer of glass except it's all blurry and frosted. He's laying on his front, arms together under the pillow, and there's a pull on his shoulders which is starting to tingle. He doesn't dare open his eyes, because he can feel the sun on him, and he knows it's going to be bright. Instead, a smile forms on his face as he stretches his arm out across his bed, skin running against the material. He's waiting for his fingertips to touch Callum's warm skin - but it doesn't come. 

Ben opens his eyes then, and it's all blurry and bright for a moment as his eyes start to adjust slightly, but one thing is for certain: Callum isn't there.

The sheets are cold, right where Callum once was, only last night. It's strange, seeing it so bare. It's only been a few times, but that side of the bed feels like it belongs to Callum. 

Ben feels empty inside, and cold all of a sudden. Callum is no longer there to warm him up. He's not there to press his lips to, or to hold hands as they slowly wake up. He isn't there for the morning cuddles, waiting for the sun to take over the room entirely, as a way of telling them that they need to be up and working. 

No. Instead, it's cold and it's miserable, it's lonely and Ben despises it. It just doesn't feel right. 

He runs his hand out across the bed sheets once more, hoping that as if by magic, Callum will appear and this hurt Ben's feeling right now will just suddenly disappear. He reaches further now, almost reaching the other side of the bed and it physically hurts to pull this far, yet it's nowhere near the pain he feels tugging on his heart. With every inch, he feels the optimism of Callum still being there just whittling away until finally, finally, he touches something. It's cold, just like everything else. He recognises it as a piece of paper, and part of him tells him to just rip it up and throw it away before reading it, but he's a glutton for punishment and he scrambles to find his glasses. His fingers tremble, as he starts to read the scrawl on the piece of paper, instantly recognising the handwriting as Callum's own. 

_ I can't do this anymore. I'm sorry.  _ It says. That's it. Nothing more, nothing less.

Ben scrunches the paper up into a tight little ball and throws it somewhere, he couldn't care less where it ends up. He falls down onto the pillow, feeling as small as the ball he's just created and thrown, and tears start to tumble down his cheeks. There's a faint smell on the pillow and it's all-encompassing and then he realises where he's put his head. On Callum's pillow. 

The tears don't stop falling and the pillow soaks them up. Callum's scent is still there, albeit not as strong as it should be. One day it'll be gone too, just like Callum. 


End file.
